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7 September 2016 By Nicola Cairncross 4 Comments

Stuff Makes Us Feel Real

I’m starting to throw out nonessential stuff from cupboards as I go now,  You know, the cluttery stuff that gathers in corners of drawers and cupboard shelves.

There’s usually one “junk drawer” in every house and it’s usually in the kitchen.  Is that a global thing, or just the UK?

Half finished makeup, unused carrier bags, old elastic bands, pencils with broken lead, bits and pieces of old toiletries, spent batteries, old emery boards and nail varnish, shower caps from hotels, bendy straws and plastic shot glasses from parties long gone.

Ah, are the last two just my house?

I’ve just found some Beechams Flu Remedy tablets that must be at least 10 years old, judging by the state of the packaging.

Why do we keep this stuff?

I’ve been thinking about it a lot now as we are clearing out everything and I’m struggling to let go of the strangest things.  You may have seen the Gardening Gloves post!

When Steve died, because he never got around to making a will, his Mum was his Executor. His Mum and Sister had to go and clear out his flat, so they could give notice to the landlady.  They kindly invited us around so we could have our pick of his stuff, anything that meant something to us.  It was not a fun occasion.

I remember being struck by how little is left when a person dies.  It’s their personality and soul and energy that makes a person present in a place, not their belongings.  When all that leaves, there is just stuff left.

But still people buy things, things that are not worth a hundredth of what we pay for them.  All my books, bought over the years and carted round from house to house, originally costing £7 -15, now worth between £0.00 and £0.10.  Tragic.

All those people with houses stuffed full of antique furniture.  Big heavy furniture from days gone by.

My “oldest best” friend Kim’s houses are always beautiful, usually quite large with gorgeous old furniture and objects anyone would desire.  She makes them beautiful for herself, for her own pleasurein her surroundings, not to pass on to her kids.

But most people live in little flats or houses, with modern furniture, not antiques.

So why DO we keep so much?

Steve was a total minimalist, everything in his place was white, or black, or brown.  Very neat.  A right “lad’s pad” it was.

Everything meaningful was online where Steve was concerned.  So no shelves of books, no piles of DVD’s.  Just a few great cook books, one tiny folder of personal possessions like a couple of birthday or christmas cards, a couple of certificates, a few very old photos.  He had his clothes, some golf clubs and a bike.

Much as we loved him, we struggled to find anything to take away to remind us of him, that we would actually use.

My son Nelson asked for a silly stuffed moose that sat on his office window-sill.  The return of said moose had already been requested by it’s original owner, so he could give it to his children to remind them of Steve.  Fair enough, we all agreed, so Nels got a nice chunky silver necklace that Steve wore rarely, but Nelson now never takes off.

Where HAD that necklace come from?  That’s lost in the mists of time…

My daughter got the Jeremy Hoye chunky silver bracelet I erroneously bought him one early Christmas (Steve hated Christmas with a passion and that bracelet nearly as much!).  She also chose some kitchen utensils as we remember Steve being at his happiest in the kitchen, cooking for everyone.  We nearly blew ourselves up with his coffee maker the other day, using the wrong kind of coffee in it.

But at the end of the day, there was very little there, now Steve was gone.

Think about all the stuff in your cupboards and corners.  The photo frames, the ornaments, the stuff lurking in that cupboard under the stairs or in the spare room.

Why do we keep it all?

As I see it now, the small clutter, I’m just scooping it all into a carrier bag and throwing it away.  Every time I do I feel a little bit lighter.  A bit less “here”.

There’s the clue.  I think that’s why we keep stuff.

It makes us feel more real, somehow.  Less likely to just float away.

Our stuff makes us feel more substantial.

Grounded, tied to the earth with the weight of it all.

Do you think that perhaps deep down, we all have this real sense that we are all ethereal beings, here on earth for a very short time indeed?

Perhaps ultimately we know that…

“We are of the Earth, constructed from a ready supply of chemical elements, forged in the stars” Professor Brian Cox, “Forces Of Nature”, BBC.

And that, someday, we’ll all be going back there.

Filed Under: Diary

About Nicola Cairncross

Nicola is an author, speaker, podcaster & digital marketing consultant with over 25 years of experience. She helps authors, speakers & experts of all kinds create digital products, an engaged community and an independent income. Leave her a comment below, optin for any of the free gifts at her various websites or simply book a call to talk to Nicola about how she can help you.

Comments

  1. Alice Sheridan says

    16 September 2016 at 8:51 pm

    Love this post Nicola, my husband has been sorting his mother’s things as her house is sold and she moves into a home. So much that she held dear is worthless and it feels terrible to be disposing of them. Apart from photos, it’s the strange things that we are keeping. Your mention of keeping and using kitchenware is great – what a wonderful way to be remembered. Good luck in your new adventures. x

    Reply
    • Nicola Cairncross says

      18 November 2016 at 2:18 pm

      Sorry Alice, I did reply but it disappeared! Thanks for stopping by and yes, it’s heartbreaking but in lots of ways it made it easier to get rid of everything when the time came. I offered the kids loads of things but they didn’t want them so it really brought it home to me how much clutter we keep!

  2. Alison says

    17 October 2016 at 8:30 pm

    You’re so right, yet it’s sad how quickly things lose their importance. And out of context, their relevance is lost even more quickly. When I had my daughter my mum gave me the outfit she’d brought me home from hospital in, and what I’d worn on my 1st birthday. Bear in mind this was 1972 – polyester, lace, frills – very kind of her to have kept it 40 years, but these were her memories not mine, and not something I wanted to put my daughter in. Equally, I kept many of my own kids outfits, toys etc, because they felt ‘valuable’ but already, just seven years later, I forget why….

    Reply
    • Nicola Cairncross says

      18 October 2016 at 9:17 am

      Dear Alison, thanks for your comment. My mother was a “thrower” and never kept anything, which made me feel a bit rootless. As if she didn’t care very much about when we were kids. Because of that, I’ve kept a very few things, their first scan pics, their first booties, a couple of baby outfits, all the birthday cards they ever made me, their baby teeth in the original envelopes. It doesn’t take much space and they are in my momentos & photos suitcase, which are now with my ex-husband and kids, while I’m gallivanting. If they have kids I will give them to them, then it’s up to them, if I pop my clogs while travelling, they’ll go through it too. They get to make the decision either way.

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